I was in my own world. A cold little ball wrapped up in the middle of the street. Gently I rocked back and forth listening to the soft crunching of snow as it melted and wrapped my hips in the freezing water. My breath came out in puffs of smoke as it slowly floated up to dissipate He did not just leave me. I was cast out into a lonely world that was unfamiliar. My brain argued with itself, neurons flitting back and forth between keeping me warm and the ongoing battle of emotions in my brain. I did not want to move, I prayed a lighting bolt from the sky would hit me turning me into cool marble. I would be immortalized as the woman he left. It must have been written on my forehead "crazy" because people started to stop and stare at me. Someone even tried to touch me but I did not move, nothing felt like it would. Muscles were tense and tight. Siren's blared in the background and their bright lights reflected off the pure snow. I shut my eyes, tightly, as if they had been stitched together. Nothing existed, nothing. I had reverted back to a childlike state. If I closed my eyes it did not exist right? I was not rocking in the snow but I was sitting on a plush fur rug in a old cabin somewhere high in the mountains of Colorado in front of a roaring fire. I felt like I was floating, flying high up to the clouds. They were soft, like new cotton sheets as you first slip into their enveloping warmth on a winter's night. Then I crashed landed and fought hard. Something tried to pull me out of my little ball, no comfort was left in me as I realized the paramedics were prying me apart as I tried to cling onto myself. No, this was not happening. They spoke to me, something about being safe and warm and everything was going to be ok. I hate that phrase, everything is going to ok. It was not, it just wasn't so do not lie to me. I was moving again, body stationary but everything whizzed past me, flashes of colors. Dark green of trees with neon lights. I tried to move but some invisible force held me to this contraption of a bed. Had I truly lost it? My mind would not accept defeat. My invisible constraints lead me out of the vehicle into a white room. So white, like the kind you have in those dreams. The one's where people lean over you and kill you. It was reenacting itself all over, creatures in blue leaned over me, sharp objects in their hands. I thrashed, I would not be detained. That cabin in the mountains was waiting for me, the fur rug, the roaring fire. It was waiting, waiting, sitting there and waiting. I was stabbed in my arm, down for the count as the world became slowly black. My cabin became a distant memory, no more fire or rug but I was in a world of eternal darkness and I was all alone.